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Detroit - Where the Weak are Killed and Eaten
Detroit is a city in Michigan that used to be known as the home of the American Auto Industry, which was true until your dad sold our birthright to China because he didn't want to pay blue collar Gen-Xers a living wage. Your dad is a real dick. Primarily impoverished and with crumbling infrestructure and abandoned industry in every direction, the city's steady decline can be tracked by the cultural heros the municipality has produced over the years. For instance, the champion boxer Joe Lewis (who both won more total fights and had a higher knockout percentage than Muhammad Ali) was Detroit's proudest son in the 1940s. Around this same time period Malcom "Detroit Red" Little, later to be famously known as civil rights advocate Malcolm X, was being raised nearby. In 2014, Detroit's proudest son is a 55 year old man who calls himself Kid Rock and raps over southern rock, country music, or samples compiled from both southern rock and country music. Other recent cultrual titans from the area include Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J of Insane Clown Posse - yes Virginia, Juggalo culture originated in the dirtiest part of Michigan. Detroit is the only city in the Western World to boast an illiteracy rate of 47%. Unemployment as of March 2014 rested at around 11.8%, or nearly double the national average. Gross mismanagement has driven the city into the biggest municipal bankruptcy in U.S. history, and despite recent declines in violent crime, for the fifth year in a row Motor city has topped Forbes Magazine's Most Dangerous Cities in the United States list. Last year Detroit's citizens murdered one another 386 times, a figure that has risen since 2011 despite 200,000 people moving out of the city in that span of time. The rate is currently 54.6 murders per 100,000 people, which is ten times the national average. (To be fair to Flint, Michigan, it has 64 murders per 100,000 residents, so more per capita, but only cities of 200,000 residents or more were included in the list adn Detroit had the highest total in the country.) The Greater Detroit Metopolitan Area experiences around 574 murders per 100,000 residents per annum. Detroit is also known for the Third World charm of having hundreds of stray dogs roming the streets. 51 postal workers were attacked by feral dogs in 2010 alone. In Detroit, the night before Halloween is known as "Devil's Night," which residents - I shit you not - celebrate by commtting arson. In 1984, 810 fires were started on that night alone. But, through hard work and persistance on the part of private volunteers, the arson numbers for 2013 looked more like 297 in a single night. Progress! In an act of appeasment to its criminals, the city recently introduced legal casino gaming which has caused overall crime to decline by 24 percent. This monumental decline in crime has had no impact on the city's standing the U.S.'s most violent urban center. These results do imply that legalizing all crimes would effectively eliminate crime in the city!